Rick Perry Loves America
by false sourires
Summary: America watches the news with the president. Chaos ensues.
1. News

**Disclaimer:** Don't own Hetalia. Don't personally know people mentioned. Situation is a result of my overactive fangirl mind.

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><p><strong>Rick Perry Loves America<strong>

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><p>"I don't see why you're watching this." First Lady Michelle stated blandly. She already knew the response. Barrack shifted his eyes away from the TV towards Michelle.<p>

"Hon, I keep telling you, 'How else am I supposed to know what the competition is going to do unless I watch them'. The press will hound me if I don't know what they are saying about me.

"Mmm-hmm," The First Lady hummed. "All they do is insult you."

The president groaned while looking questioningly up at the white spackled ceiling, before pointing at the enthusiastic young blonde surreptitiously munching on popcorn on the floor fixedly staring at the TV.

"He wants a basis to refer to when the comedians start savaging the competition."

"America!"

"As long as you have good reasons, Dear." Michelle responded expressionlessly. The president was busy staring accusingly at the personification of his country.

"You did that on purpose…" He muttered quietly, while the young nation smiled with twinkling eyes. The first lady shook her head exasperatedly at the two. Men. Countries. Sighing, she leaned back in her seat. Slowly the news came on to show the recap of the GOP candidate Rick Perry's speech at the Iowa State Fair. "_I think you want a president who is passionate about America-that's in love with America_." _Perry said. _Two sets of eyes glanced in the direction of a nodding blonde. Eyes quickly met and communicated silently. The president started to knead his temples in short circles feeling a migraine coming on. This could not end well. His wife stared amusedly at him before getting up to retrieve some aspirin from the cabinet for him. She wondered if other political leaders had as much fun with their country. Poland was likely a match for America's rambunctiousness, but she wasn't sure about the other countries. As she reentered the room, she heard a reporter asking Perry if he thought her husband didn't love America. Michelle snorted. As if. He insisted on keeping this job for another four years. Perry's voice interrupted her thoughts.

"_You need to ask him. I'm saying, you're a good reporter, go ask him."_

Her stare flashed to the amusing scene in front of her. Barrack stared in stiff horror at the little Perry on the TV. America though had his gaze targeted firmly on her husband. His eyes briefly glanced at her, and in those few moments she saw twinkling amusement. As America's gaze returned to her husband he underwent a transformation: his confident posture slouched dejectedly and false tears brimmed brightly in his eyes as his mouth trembled in horrified disbelief. His voice was hushed and broken when he spoke.

"Y-y-you d-don't l-love me, P-prez?"

Barrack forcefully inched his eyes away from the TV to the disconsolate country. Frozen in shock, her husband was doing his best impression of the deer in headlights. Several minutes passed before he sighed, got up and headed for the door. On his way he took the glass of water and aspirin from her looking like a man who had been told he only had a week left to live.

"Where are you going Barrack?" She asked as he handed the glass back to her and continued his way out the door. Pausing briefly, he croaked, "McDonalds," before disappearing from view. Shaking her head, she looked at her now beaming country. No tears in sight. His mischievously lit eyes told her everything.

"I let you get away with too much. This is the only McDonald's run allowed this week." She stated firmly at her hurt looking nation.

"But I got him to stop watching the news!" He reasoned, attempting to puppy dog eye her. She had no doubt as to where Bo learned the horrible habit.

"I know which is why it is only a week."

Giving up, he grinned and invited her to sit down while he changed the channel. As if the family could do anything but love him.

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><p><strong>Author's Note:<strong>

Gift fic for MiyabitaYozora's request.

Rick Perry's quotes were taken from ABC news. The event occurred quite awhile ago, but I couldn't resist taking up the challenge of how America would react to the speech.

Michelle supports healthy eating, so I have her limiting America's McDonalds runs.

Happy New Year!

~False Sourires


	2. Sketches

Disclaimer: Still applies.

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><p><strong>Rick Perry Loves America<strong>

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><p>"Beep. Beep. Beep." The cell phone chirped. Groaning, he glared at the phone. It was too early for the jabs about the news report to begin. Tonight had not been a dream. One day he was going to gain immunity against Alfred's kicked puppy acts. Even the girls and Bo couldn't compete with the nation. Damn Hollywood. Did other leaders deal with these problems? The secret service agent sitting across from him had his eyebrow raised questioningly. They all knew he had given into one of America's acts again. Shaking out of his gloomy thoughts, he answered the phone.<p>

"Hey Joe…"

"Al watched the news, didn't he?" Teeth could be heard grinding together.

"Yes."

"And you gave in again." Biden's voice was entirely too cheery. He glared out the tinted windows at traffic. "Well, I've got something that will break you out of your self-loathing."

"I don't loathe myself Joe." Snorts could be heard all around. Damn it America. "What is it Joe?"

"You haven't watched any of the hyenas tonight?" The grin could be heard in the voice.

"No Joe. I was busy."

"Not my fault you haven't hired a McDonald's delivery service yet." Not like it hadn't crossed his mind.

"Michelle thinks Alfred needs a healthy diet." And making America walk to the store wasn't a healthy alternative.

"Which is why he exhorts McDonald's out of you every chance he can." Smug bastard.

"Joe…."

"All right. Don't want your blood pressure going up on my account. Anyways, you need to watch Jon Stewart's Perry Parody!"

"Don't say that name!"

"No seriously. You'll want to see it. Just keep Al from seeing it or it won't be worth it."

"Will I be making another McDonalds run?"

"No. You'll be making a run to Wal-Mart's video game selection." Silence.

"That bad?"

"That _entertaining_." A click signaled Biden hanging up. Curiosity attacked him. Which channel did Jon Stewart appear on?

"Who knows where I can find Jon Stewart episodes?"

The agent driving snorted.

"Just Google it sir."

Rolling his eyes he googled it. Finding the most recent episode, he clicked on it and turned the volume up.

"_You want a president that's in love with America…_" _Stewart began._ Silence filled the car as all ears listened to the mocking commentary. "_You want a president who would, in a rainstorm, grab America's hand and take shelter with America in a nearby barn. Maybe help America out of its wet clothes. Maybe lay America down on some hay bales. And then, as America and Rick Perry become one, the sounds of their lovemaking merging with the thunderstorm's cacophony, the barn shutters rattling, the livestock, the livestock they want to look away but they can't, their eyes are transfixed."_

_"I am Rick Perry and, unlike Barack Obama, I will fuck the shit out of America."_

At the end everyone froze in muted horror. He did not just say that…Nightmarish visions plagued his mind as he imagined America's reaction if he ever heard this.

Cough.

"Sir…" Startled out of his horrified thoughts, he looked at the agent that had spoken. The agent pointed at his phone. Michelle was calling. Clicking the answer button, he brought the phone to his ear.

"Hey Honey? We're almost there."

Awkward silence met him.

"Michelle?"

She cleared her throat on the other side of the line. "Barrack. Am-Alfred just threw his glasses out the window and started yelling about Texas crossing a line and getting a restraining order."

Shit.

"Texas is what he named his glasses."…

"Ah, that makes sense…"

"Michelle?"

"Yes?"

"I'll be home in a few more hours. I have to make a trip to Wal-Mart. Please keep Alfred harming Texas further; it's bad for his health."

The driver had already started to turn the vehicle around.

"Please hurry Barrack."

"I'll try."

He hung up the phone and started rubbing his temples again.

"If there is a store that sells video games closer than Wal-Mart, drive past it. He can't get the restraining order placed before the morning, and I need to get rid of this headache."

The secret service men nodded their heads understandingly.

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><p><strong>Author's Note:<strong>

The chapter that inspired this fic. I thought it would be best to open the fic with an explanatory chapter. In my mind, Texas would be America's Belarus. Perry is just an expression of Texas' fanaticism towards America. I thought of how amusing it would be if America were to here this speech, and figured he'd either be pretty cool with it or completely weirded out. Real political speeches and Hetalia kill me. Jon Stewart really did give that speech; I took the transcript from TPM Livewire.

Sorry if the discussion between Obama and Biden was unclear. I tried to make it so they switch every other phrase. I also figured America would be refered to as Alfred over communication channels.

~False Sourires


	3. Bed

Disclaimer: Still hasn't changed.

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><p><strong>Rick Perry Loves America<strong>

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><p>"Come on Prez. PLEASE!" America whined.<p>

"No. Go to sleep. Now." Barrack commanded sternly. America tried the puppy dog eyes.

"Just let me sleep with you tonight. One time only!" Barrack glared at him. He was too exhausted to fall victim to the eyes.

"Go. To. Sleep. Now." He growled out. "Alone." A politician wanting to sleep with America is what had got them into this mess anyway.

"I didn't mean it that way, Prez!"

Barrack's response was the slamming of the door in America's face. How rude. His flesh tone became paler as he realized he was all alone in the room. With Texas!

_Creepy. _

Texas was staring at him. America could feel the light reflecting off the glass pointedly fixed on him, even though his back was turned to Texas. Bad idea. Rule number one was never to let Texas sneak up on you unaware. Some misguided nations might think rule number one was to never let the ex-Commie or France come up on you from behind, but he knew better. The last time he'd let Texas sneak up from behind it had resulted in a shotgun wedding after all. To this day he couldn't understand why Mexico got all shitty and accused him of stealing her hermano Texas from her. There had been no stealing on his part. Plus she didn't have to take care of her psychotic stalker of a little brother anymore either. Don't get him wrong, America loved Texas. He was a great guy when he was mellowed out, but for some reason Texas could go bat shit patriotic possessive crazy over him. Understandable because America was incredibly awesome. The obsessive stalking and claiming of America's vital regions wasn't necessary though. Plus it ticked Florida off.

Prez was being incredibly unreasonable too. He had come home with America's cold McDonald's meal and the newest combat game America had been lusting after. That was fine, especially because Prez had agreed to play on the second controller. However, it was entirely unreasonable that he had made America go retrieve Texas from the front lawn first, and then cut off video game playing at 3 AM. Now he was expected to go to bed so he would be ready to fill out paperwork later that day. He'd rather play the video game all night.

Sighing, he looked down at his feet. They were clad in cotton socks as he'd taken his shoes off hours ago. He was in a comfortable pair of informal slacks and a plain T-Shirt he'd put on after work. To take off the clothes and let Texas ogle his bare body while he slipped into PJ's or to wear the clothes to bed and not be ogled? Clothes it was. He'd just unbutton the slacks once he was under the covers. Maybe he should leave his trusty horror nightlight, aka the regular lamp, on just in case? Tilting his head he peaked over his shoulder at Texas. Blatant staring was occurring. Never could be too sure. Horror nightlight would stay on.

Making a dash for it he clicked on the nightlight, turned off the main light and ducked under the covers of the bed. Slowly he pulled the covers down so they were right below his nose but above his mouth. Just right. Now he could watch for stalkers, but still hide away from Texas. Slowly he closed his eyes careful to watch Texas out of the corner of his eye. Now to count the number of McDonald's in Delaware…1…2…3…4…16…24….

_His nose itched. Blinking, he opened his eyes. Was he in a barn? Sure enough he could see the piece of straw tickling his nose. It smelled like wet hay too. Why the heck was he in a barn, and sleeping at that? An arm around his waist alerted him to somebody laying next to him Who? Horror begin to set in as two brown eyes met his blue ones. The other smiled. "America, you got a pretty mouth. I love your mouth America." He began to lean in for a kiss._

"GAAAH!"

He woke with a shout. That comedic bastard. How dare he bring back America's rampant paranoia of Texas flirting! Oh God, how was he supposed to fall back to sleep? There was no way after that. He made the sudden mistake of glancing at Texas. Texas was leering at him. Swallowing, he swiftly grabbed Texas off the nightstand, opened the drawer, tossed Texas inside, slammed the drawer shut and locked it with the key next to the nightlight. There. His shoulders sagged in relief. No danger of Texas molesting him in his sleep anymore. Unthinkingly he flicked the nightlight switch off and sunk back into bed. Exhaustedly, he decided that he would avoid going to Texas until after the election was over. Just a year and Texas would be insanely stalkerish anymore. Yeah, that sounded good. He might even be able to avoid wearing Texas, convince the Prez his eyesight wasn't that bad and all that jazz. Sounded perfect, he hummed to himself as he drifted off into dreamland.

A rubbing sensation against Florida and the fanatical chuckling had him standing up wide awake several moments several moments later. Texas eyes held no remorse, only the pure tomfoolery of his crooked grin.

…...

"STOP TOUCHING MY VITAL REGIONS TEXAS!"

"He's not sleeping with us." Michelle state blearily. Barrack hummed, his eyes firmly screwed shut. "I mean it, Barrack."

"Relax. He'll quit in a while, and the secret service will retrieve Texas if America throws him out the window again. 'Sides nothing can be bad as his reaction to Paranormal Activity 2." Barrack murmured tiredly. Michelle couldn't stop the shiver that followed.

"Worst month ever."

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><p><strong>Author's Note:<strong>

The last installment in this fic I think.

Couldn't resist stalkerish Texas, and paranoid America. Figured why couldn't Texas be both a part of America's body and a separate personification. Why would he be America's glasses? So he'd be the first thing America saw every day.

B. P. F. R.- Blatant plea for reviews-I get 10 reviews, and I'll write the Paranormal Activity 2 reaction.

~False Sourires.


	4. Resignations

Disclaimer: Hetalia. Not. Mine.

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><p><strong>Rick Perry Loves America<strong>

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><p>Barrack massaged his nose sighing.<p>

"Look, he just wants to talk to you America."

"No."

His nation hissed glaring laser beams at the telephone.

"Perry withdrew Al."

"So?" America queried quietly, the pitch of his voice rising as he began his paranoid ranting. "He is just waiting for me to let my guard down, and then…then he'll claim Florida again! Florida won't stand for anymore molestation I tell you."

Glaring at the phone as he heard snickering from the other end of the line, he interrupted the speech he'd been subjected to thirty-seven times previously.

"I know Al. Governor Scott has already placed a restraining order on Texas….and anyone else causing Florida mental breakdowns…"

The snickering on the other end had stopped and been replaced by low muttering that sound suspiciously like, "_wasn't trying to claim her …melodramatic…acting like I tried to steal Disneyworld or something._" Given the way America was eyeing the phone, Barrack was pretty sure he hadn't missed it either. Once again he held the receiver out at America.

"Just take it already America. I have paperwork to defeat."

With one last withering glare, America took the phone.

"Never gonna happen Prez."

Scowling falsely at the now grinning nation, he admonished, "A man's gotta dream," before leaving the room.

"Alfred? Answer me Al!"

Steeling himself with a tremendous dose of heroic courage, America greeted, "H-hey Austin."

He had so not squeaked that greeting out. No matter what Texas's giggles indicated.

"For petesakes Alfred, cain't ya take a joke? Ya have to learn to laugh man. It was jus' a lil' joke."

America's eye started twitching. At least Texas was back to his usual laid-back self again. Though it might be nice for Texas to remember his psychotic alter ego for what it actually was- a vital region claiming creep.

"Oh haha. Really, it's just hilarious when one of you breaks into my room to manhandle me in the middle of the night. By the way dude, Mimi's not removing that restraining order. She also wants me to tell you that the next time you try to lay claim to her she's feeding you to her gator."

And damned if he wasn't going to help her. One shouldn't have to fear getting molested in their house. As long as Frannypants and his pals weren't there that is.

"She's jus' bein' a drama queen Al. And not a good one either."

"So you want her to take a page out of one of your beauty queen's magazines?"

"Heck no! Leastways Ah can ignore her now."

"Restraining order Austin."

"She can keep her doggon Disneyworld. Ah wanna see Disney, Ah'll go see Angel."

America couldn't help but snort. He could hear Texas grinning on the other line.

"See? Ya laughin' again. Cain't be upset with me anymore."

"Whatev dude, just don't go starting a Disney war between those two again."

He couldn't help but grin. Why couldn't Texas always be this easygoing?

"So whaddya call for dude?"

"Hmmm…oh, Ah jus' wanna say that Ah'm sorry, but Ah won't be able to join ya next year. Boss admits he wasn't ready to win this election."

"Oh? Guess it's good that he's not too depressed about it."

Not that he's sorry to be missing out on being psychotically stalked and molested by Texas for four to eight years.

"Nah, he said this was jus' practice for next time. So don't worry, we won't lose the next election! It'll be great, ya see. Ah gotta go, Ah'm bein' called."

Wait. What? America stared in disbelief at the phone he'd _accidently_ crushed in his surprise. He'd pay Prez back for it later. There were more important things to think of now. 2016 was in four years. Four years of relatively sane Texas. Exhaling a little in relief he thought he could handle that…though campaigning begins nearly a year before the actual elections….meaning only three years…

SHIT.

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><p><strong>Author's Note:<strong>

Well, I know I stated that the last chapter was likely the last installment, I had to make an exception for Perry's withdrawal from the 2012 race, even if it is a few days late. And yes, he has indicated that he intends to run for office in 2016 if Obama stays in office. Sort of find it funny for purposes of this fic that he pulled out before the Florida vote. *It was the Restriction Order*. I apologize for my poor attempts to write the Texan accent, but I thought it was better than just leaving it as regular writing.

I made Texas out to be a bit Bipolar. When he's being overly patriotic his crazy stalker side takes over, but the rest of the time he's usually a laidback fun loving individual. Everyone else knows this but him. He thinks he's always easygoing, hence why he calls the stalking a joke. In answer to VGparastar, everyone in the know about the nations is aware that the states have individual personifications; in addition to, being represented on America's body. Most don't think about it though, unless they are a Governor or such. The states cause the president unwanted stress, so he tends to avoid thinking about them, even though he enjoys chilling out with Hawaii, the calmest state.

~False Sourires


End file.
